yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
