plz talk dirty to me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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