i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
