So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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