as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
