Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
