From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
