I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will be naked everywhere
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
