Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
