Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
