I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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