Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
