I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
