we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
