he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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