i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
