Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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