I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize