I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Found your dick twin last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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