just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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