But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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