My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
