Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
