I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
