dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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