i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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