His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
