I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
