You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize