i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
