Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
