What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
