I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
