My liver just broke up with me...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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