i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
