Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
