I'm jealous of your bromance
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
4 words: hood of his car
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dear god my vagina.
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