apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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