i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
