He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
