if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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