I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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