it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
