She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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