I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
