we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
