Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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