my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
