apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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