This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
