she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
