Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
