sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
