Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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