I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
