I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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