id be glad to
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
