The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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