The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
