oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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