The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he thought i was a dude.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
