Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
