She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
