Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
