just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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