idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
