im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
