Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
