so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
