I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
