jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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