Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize