I will die if light touches me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
