farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
