DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mom said you looked used
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
